i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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