Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
