I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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