Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
