why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
