I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
