oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
im on a boat
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