"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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