When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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