I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
