It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
