my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
