Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
