I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
