she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
is it fun? or sober?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
