By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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