I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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