awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
