Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
