well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
