I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
