I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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