I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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