we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
