Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You left your phone here
Wait...
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