im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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