I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
