She announced her abortion via fbk
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
