I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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