I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
