She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
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I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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