Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
