My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize