saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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