so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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