Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I can't turn off my feet"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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