She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
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She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
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I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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