I want to stick my p in your. b.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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