i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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