I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
