on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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