I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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