pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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