I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
