I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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