How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
