you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
