u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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