i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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