Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
