if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
