i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
