for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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