You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
