I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
