You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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