Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
