Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
