i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
