He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
