Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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