The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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