just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
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That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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