it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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