my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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