I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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