Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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