yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
