so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize