I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize