I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
