Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
false alarm, still single
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