Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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