So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
